


A Deer Mistake

by shnuffeluv



Category: NCIS
Genre: Animals, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Don't Have to Know Canon, Don't Judge Me, Furry, Gen, I'm Not Ashamed, I'm Sorry, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Slice of Life, but - Freeform, i would say this is quite hairy but really it's more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 00:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15718206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: Vance's new dress code has everyone a little...wild.





	A Deer Mistake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeerDog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeerDog/gifts).



McGee was having so much trouble typing on his keyboard. He often mocked Tony over the years for his hunt-and-peck style of typing, but that was an improvement over the keysmashes he was causing with the new gloves he had to wear according to the NCIS revised dress code. The only upside to them were that they were black with neon blue at the tips. And they had little plastic "claws" that he could use to hunt-and-peck if he was desperate, but he wasn't  _that_  desperate yet. He still was determined to make this work.

At least he had made the wise decision of getting five-fingered gloves. Nick had the misfortune of getting four-fingered gloves, and was currently snarling as he tried to hold his phone as he walked into the bullpen. "Something wrong, Nick?" McGee asked, grinning. Although Nick wouldn't be able to see it because of the mask McGee had on, also according to new regulations.

"I can't work my stupid phone!" Nick exclaimed, waving it in front of McGee's muzzle. "It doesn't recognize the pads on these gloves."

"Gee, that's too bad," McGee said with a laugh. "Luckily for me, I have a spare burner phone I can use during work."

"Go ahead, rub it in," Nick growled, no doubt snarling behind his mask which had a perpetual smile on it. McGee had to admire the rainbow tongue sticking out that Nick had sprung for, especially since the rest of his suit was white and grey, barely an original design. The deep blue eyes on Nick's mask bored holes into McGee, and it took everything McGee had to try and stay serious. "This new dress code will be the death of me."

"The death of all of us," Bishop corrected, walking in wearing a hot pink leopard-print with purple for the spots. "I can barely run in this thing, let alone fit a bulletproof vest over it."

McGee glanced down at his own outfit, black with neon blue patches, and sighed. "I mean, at least if I'm stranded in the woods it won't be hard for someone to spot me. The blue I chose practically glows in the dark, but it's so  _hot_  in this."

"Keep complaining, McGee, I'm sure the director will listen to you," Gibbs said from behind him, swooping in virtually silent with coffee in hand. Gibbs' tail swung back and forth as he walked, and McGee silently admired the grey-brown design. It was understated, but completely Gibbs. Or as Gibbs as Gibbs could be with a tail. Most people when it came to this new dress code went all-out, decked in bright colors, sometimes neon bright, like Bishop. Gibbs just barely followed the dress code buy wearing brown with gray tints. It followed the guidelines, but clearly was  _not_  whatever the director planned for when he did this.

"I mean, this is never going to stick, right, Boss?" McGee asked desperately, waving his hands about, the gloves making a flurry of black and blue shapes. As McGee stood, his whole suit nearly fell off, and McGee scrambled to keep it on. "No one is going to take us seriously if we have to go to the crime scenes dressed like this! And all that blood and dirt will get tracked in the fur and never come out!"

Gibbs just stared at McGee, and McGee felt slightly unsettled by the terrifyingly neutral mask Gibbs was wearing. It made it impossible to read the man. Well,  _more_ impossible. "Talk to the director, McGee. He's the one who installed this new dress code, not me."

McGee whined, a soft mewling sound that made Nick laugh. "You sound perfect for your suit, McGee," Nick said.

"Oh shut up," McGee hissed. "Like your wolfish attitude is any better."

"Boys, please," Bishop said, her mask's cheery smile doing nothing to hide the exasperated tone in her voice. "Stop complaining and arguing, before Vance catches you."

"Oh, come on, Bishop!" McGee snapped. "You have to agree that this has gone entirely too far! These suits came out of  _our own pocket_! This is two-thousand dollars I'm never getting back!"

"McGee," Gibbs growled. "Stop whining."

McGee brought his hands to his mask and ripped it off, growling. "This is completely ridiculous, though! I can't even breathe in this thing!"

Bishop's eyes widened when he took off his mask and said, "Uh, Tim..."

"No! I'm not gonna put up with this! I'm hot, I'm hungry, I haven't gotten  _any_  sleep because how can I sleep knowing I have to come into work looking like  _this_?!" McGee pointed at Bishop accusingly. "Your leopard-print is hardly better than my alley cat aesthetic! We're trying to make the best out of a situation that never should have happened in the first place! For the love of...Gibbs looks like a coyote! That's not  _natural_!"

Nick was staring at him from by his own desk. "I mean, I'm not saying I disagree, man, but do you really want to take this up with the director?"

" _Yes_!" Tim said emphatically. "It's stupid, it's gonna make us the laughing stock of the federal alphabet soup of agencies, it's not even gonna help kids warm up to us like the memo claimed! I mean,  _come on_! Why would Vance make us wear fursuits to work in the first place?!"

"Agent McGee," a calm voice said from behind him, and McGee froze. Turning around, he saw Vance, dressed up to the nines in a lime green and off-white fursuit, complete with LED eyes. "Put your head back on, and we can act like this never happened."

McGee slowly put the cat head he had ripped off before back over his head, and glanced at Vance uncertainly. "How dead am I?" he asked against his better judgement.

"I'll make sure you're doing the interviews on your next case," Vance said cooly. "And I'm not adjusting the dress code until after the case is over."

McGee swallowed and nodded. As Vance walked away, McGee sat down and prayed that whatever case they caught next wouldn't go cold. He couldn't stand coming into work dressed in a fursuit that looked like a house cat every day.

"...Vance is drunk on power," Nick said.

"No, he's a furry who thought up this April Fool's prank in the middle of July, and didn't want to wait," Gibbs said. He answered his desk phone, before yelling, "Grab your gear! Dead Petty Officer on the Mall!"

McGee groaned at the thought of all the witnesses he'd have to interview wearing a full-body fursuit, and wished he had just called in sick to work today.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.


End file.
